she sneezed upon the silver sun (al_settimocielo) wrote,
she sneezed upon the silver sun

sunny days

Today in psych there was a discussion about eating disorders. I was in a good mood b4 class as you can see by my entry right before it. In class I started to cry.
This list might not make sense to anyone but me

Tell mom what I ate
Tell friends
Write in food journal

Exercise everyday
Mad at self when don’t exercise
Mad at self for eating carbs like granola
Mad at self for eating after dinner (ie tonight carrot sticks,garden burger, jello)

Jealous of ppl who eat what they want and don’t care if they gain weight
Jealous of people who are content with their bodies
Have become critical of overweight people, out of jealousy though

Angry at self when go from 102-106
Angry at self when binge
Sense of self worth directly connected to fluctuations in weight

Food gives control
Food as friend- provides comfort

Planning of what I will eat in advance, and when

Need to feel full- sick almost after eating- filling of void- with diet soda, coffee, food

Compensate for social life/academic
Eat to quell anxiety

Used to be biggest of friends
Parents made me go to gym
Used to have blood pressure/heart rate of 50 y/o smoker and drinker

Perfectionism/media- want to look like them
People will like me/ill like myself better if im smaller
If I lose weight and become 100 lbs, this will carry over and ill become more self confident and assertive in life and class, and be able to concentrate and do homework

If I have one piece of cake, ill eat it all, cant eat dessert or bread at all
Have to suffer at Dean tidmarsh’s house while everyone eats dessert but I cant and everyone saying how good each dessert is

Food is pervading every aspect of life
Unable to do other things/think about work etc
People are tired of hearing me talk about it, even elizabeth
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