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a lil slice of lolo
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in she sneezed upon the silver sun's LiveJournal:

Sunday, June 20th, 2004
12:19 pm
haha so true
No smoking around al_settimocielo. Thankyou for your co-operation.


From Go-Quiz.com
Saturday, June 19th, 2004
9:21 pm
What Does your Personal Dildo look like by Angel_deKay
Your Name
Your Age
Fav Color
Soft or Hard?
BRa size
Shoe size
You use it and sayOOO this End first...OK hehe
What it looks like
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!
Friday, April 30th, 2004
10:17 pm
in the past 5 minutes
hersheys choc bar
2 bigggg pieces of cake w frosting
5 blueberry muffines

what triggered it?
i thought "hmmm i have no friends, why not"
Tuesday, April 13th, 2004
2:28 pm
honey honey on my lips
i take that back.
i dont dislike the people reading this.
i was just having an "i hate all of humanity, myself included" moment before.
2:05 pm
not to sound mean
i hate everyone.
don't take it personally. It's not something you did, really.
Tuesday, March 30th, 2004
1:00 am
sunny days
Today in psych there was a discussion about eating disorders. I was in a good mood b4 class as you can see by my entry right before it. In class I started to cry.
This list might not make sense to anyone but me

Tell mom what I ate
Tell friends
Write in food journal

Exercise everyday
Mad at self when don’t exercise
Mad at self for eating carbs like granola
Mad at self for eating after dinner (ie tonight carrot sticks,garden burger, jello)

Jealous of ppl who eat what they want and don’t care if they gain weight
Jealous of people who are content with their bodies
Have become critical of overweight people, out of jealousy though

Angry at self when go from 102-106
Angry at self when binge
Sense of self worth directly connected to fluctuations in weight

Food gives control
Food as friend- provides comfort

Planning of what I will eat in advance, and when

Need to feel full- sick almost after eating- filling of void- with diet soda, coffee, food

Compensate for social life/academic
Eat to quell anxiety

Used to be biggest of friends
Parents made me go to gym
Used to have blood pressure/heart rate of 50 y/o smoker and drinker

Perfectionism/media- want to look like them
People will like me/ill like myself better if im smaller
If I lose weight and become 100 lbs, this will carry over and ill become more self confident and assertive in life and class, and be able to concentrate and do homework

If I have one piece of cake, ill eat it all, cant eat dessert or bread at all
Have to suffer at Dean tidmarsh’s house while everyone eats dessert but I cant and everyone saying how good each dessert is

Food is pervading every aspect of life
Unable to do other things/think about work etc
People are tired of hearing me talk about it, even elizabeth
Monday, March 29th, 2004
2:03 pm
having a hair crisis?
atleast it makes me euphoric
Monday, March 8th, 2004
1:28 pm
bc i felt bad
i wont be talking about what i ate anymore in here..
if you care to know what i ate,
you can visit my new journal:
Wednesday, March 3rd, 2004
10:46 pm
im at the campus center...been here since a lil after 9..just chillin instead of doin work...ran out of dentyne fire and diet dr pepper at the same time!!!
got a tiny bit hungry (or empty since i had no gum...nothin in the mouth)
so i couldnt resist buying somethin to eat even tho it was after 10 pm...i bought light n fit vanilla yogurt (90 cal, 16 carb, 6g protein) to eat. i feel hungrier than before i think. Im watching court tv (dominick dunne's power priv and justice--about this bisexual guy who killed his wife and some other lady by pushing them down the stairs and beating them...a few other people who i know but cant remember their names joined me and it was really funny when they showed the male escort brandon or whatever...
sex $ alleged murder weapon..but will it be enough to convict michael peterson?
i shall see now

Current Mood: lazy
Monday, March 1st, 2004
5:52 pm
ive seen the light (or atleast the yellow rice) hehe
went to dinner with laura
it was GREAT...
had yellow rice with 5 bean indian dish thing and then 4 of those fried in canola oil long tofu things, which i dipped in soy sauce. i went back for seconds. and i usually dont eat rice,potatoes or chickpeas,all of which i ate at dinner, but i decided to go all out...lol..and it's filling, but i decided to get something sweet so i got fruit which sucked, and then i had chocolate and vanilla frozen yogurt, mixed with granola...
i have NO REGRETS.
that is not only bc i will go to the gym later, and also that i weigh less today than i have in years.

no, no..
its because one day in the future i can see myself hating myself for always having analyzed what i ate, by counting calories and carbs..enough is enough.

A lil extra froz yogurt, granola, seconds of tofu and beans and rice wont kill me.

So why not eat it?

If i go up to 106 lbs, will my life really change?
I think not.

Current Mood: thoughtful
Wednesday, February 25th, 2004
2:25 pm
stupid me again
i had lunch at haverford after radio
(lentil soup and 2 pieces of cheese)
but mentally was still hungry
so had a bazillion bowls of froz yog w raspberries and granola and also regular yogurt here, after.
why? thats like 2 ADDITIONAL lunches.
and i dont even work out.
10:10 am
i thought id get stone...
gold heart
Heart of Gold

What is Your Heart REALLY Made of?
brought to you by Quizilla

on another note i just had the best breakfast ever
and a good talk with a nice girl
12:20 am
stupid me
its after midnite
and i just had a stringcheese (80 cals) and wasnt even hungry
now im gonna stay up more, and its still loud
and instead of goin to bfast ill wait till 11:15 and have brunch.
12:08 am
i hate myself
i did no fucking work today
no gym

im 106
havent lost any weight since ive been at this school
gained half a pound infact

i hate boys
and girls.
and stupid fucks who cackle this late and make me stay up and do no work and fuck w my day tomorrow
fuck bein asexual
Monday, February 16th, 2004
8:03 pm
Monday, February 2nd, 2004
12:40 pm
i'm all or nothing
I've decided to start writing again,
despite my worries that i'll obsess and overanalyze every aspect of my life and personality, and obsess over trivial apsects of my day, feeling the need to document everything i ate and every fluctuation of my weight.
Oh well, everyone else is doing it (writing).
I'm gonna keep this entry short, bc i have lots to do right now.
i moved on the 20th (and it took over a week to fully move) into Merion...merion 3rd to be specific (representttttt)
The people here are really cool and nice,
although i wish i'd known them for longer..
its always hard being the newcomer, esp when theres a quad next door (who are all really sweet).
but people tend to talk of the past, of which i know nothing,
so its hard to kind of mesh with others when you're kinda on the boundary of things.
but i hope to get to know lotsa people in this dorm better.
and not in this dorm, too.
Last weekend did no work.
friday night was a tea thing, watched some of a movie then to sara's room, saw my first gay blind date.
saturday went to ikea, bought another rug, some chair cushion thingy, some fabric for the glass above the door, hangers and some other stuff.
saturday night went to 2 parties at swat with elizabeth, and the drinks were really yummy. Met 2 boys who were 4 and 5 yrs older.
sunday went shopping, got jeans and other stuff. dyed hair again.
Thats about it. I want to see Sara C. at dinner one day. i want to go (intentionally, not just run into) dinner with people from this dorm. I want to get a tiny tiny nose ring (lil diamond stud). I want to eat indian food at cafe spice in philly. i want to like philly, and actually go there, bc thats one reason i went here.
i need to print out my schedule and give it to my dean, once i get my password sent to me (where the fuck is it?)
need to read hobbes leviathan, write philosophy paper, and do history reading (almost done)...skipping lunch today bc too lazy to walk there.
ate breakfast 2 hrs ago and am not hungry. need to get jeans hemmed. no one cares to read this, and i wont care in the future, so why do i even write this? im always walking alone. and im not a loner or independent. i want to be around other people, the way i was in high school. i dont want fake polite how was ur day conversation. i want depth. i want honesty and bluntness.
i feel like people here really wouldnt notice if i left.

Current Mood: optimistic
Friday, January 9th, 2004
11:20 am
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.

Current Mood: sick
Saturday, January 3rd, 2004
1:45 am
because im alive...
Five Things/People I Couldn't Have Gotten Through the Year Without
1)my parents

Five Things That 2003 Taught Me
1)Some people hide their intentions until it's too late; people change and you never know someone fully.
2)Things happen that are beyond my control and I have to learn to just understand that and deal with it.
3)I lead an isolated life.
4)I eat when I'm upset, and it was possible for me to gain 8 lbs.
5) I realized how much i love new york city.

Five Personally Significant Events of 2003
1)Emil moving away the first week of 2003
2)gaining a lot of weight and then with a lot of determination, losing a lot of weight after going to the gym every day and eating healthy is possible..(and then gaining a lot back at school)
3)Graduating from high school
4) Getting into mount holyoke...then going to bryn mawr
5) Leaving my family and city and dependent life to go to college and doing everything for myself.

Twelve Things I Want To Do In 2004
1) Get back down to 106lbs.
2) Become a happier and more social person, meaning develop more meaningful/substantial/deeper relationships with people.
3) Either become more attached to bryn mawr or/and start researching and applying to other colleges.
4) do SOMETHING extracurricularly...audition for the nightowls...anything..
5) meet boys, just to know as friends
6)Switch dorms so i am less isolated and lonely.
7) Go into Philadelphia for the second time, take advantage of my surroundings.
8)Join or find out about a photography club..
9)Enjoy classes and manage time well
10) keep in touch with cathy better
11) find a good internship
12) Go to haverford for the second time and go see swarthmore and u penn for the first.

Five Things I Don't Want To Do In 2004
1) have the next semester the same as the last
2) Complain too much
3) Waste time watching tv
4) Call my parents every friday night b/c i have no other plans
5) Eat when im bored/upset/nervous etc
Sunday, December 14th, 2003
4:25 pm
its funny how i just found at after getting back from the gym, not from tv or newspaper or online,but from cookieemonster and then kate's livejournals!
and i thought he was dead.
Friday, December 12th, 2003
6:39 pm
i hate everyone and everything.

Current Mood: cynical
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